The naked truth…

Ok peeps…I am about to bare all.  Just lay it all out there so to speak!!  I need to get healthy.  I know, I know…we could all stand to get a little bit healthier. Well folks…this chick needs to get about 40lbs healthier.  That is a lot of stinking extra weight to carry around on a frame that is 5’3 and ONE HALF inches tall!!  I need that 1/2″ of height–it makes me thinner.  Anyhow…Do you know what size I wear?!?!!?  Seriously people…It’s unhealthy.  Call me vain.  Maybe I am.  I don’t care.  I don’t like how I feel and I don’t like I how look being this size.  So you say “lose weight…exercise…eat right”.  I KNOW THIS!!!!!!  Everyone out there knows this.  But here is the truth…it’s mentally hard.  Physically yes…but mentally even more so.  Every little thing on my body “moves” now when I exercise–I swear I need a “Body bra”… so that depresses me.  My knees kill me when working out…so that depresses me.  I have a bum shoulder.  What did I do to it?  Heck if I know.  I think I hurt it pulling off clothes or something strenuous like that…so that depresses me.  My back hurts no matter which way I turn…that depresses me.  You would think I have been a smoker for my entire life by the lung capacity I have…so that depresses me.  After any strenuous exercise…if more than 30 seconds my heart rate is in the high 180’s if not 190’s…so that depresses me…and wears me out.  NONE…I mean NONE of my clothes fit.  Guess what?  That depresses me.  Even cute workout clothes that used to give me motivation don’t fit…and that just makes me depressed.  So before you tell me to quit whining, hear me out.  I KNOW that these are all excuses that I use.  But they are real. Being down on oneself is very real and very hard to snap out of.   So it sort of starts a vicious cycle:  try…fail…get depressed…try…fail…get depressed.  OVER and OVER and OVER.  I have laugh at it really.  But let me clarify something.  I am not depressed in that I can’t function…or ever be happy…or am thinking of suicide.  I am not.  I am depressed in that I just don’t like who I am right now.  It affects my mood towards others.  I am more reserved and stand-offish.  I am less likely to joke around…and dang it I am hella funny.  But that side of me is being overshadowed by this new boring blob.  I am a tad sick of it actually.  Soooo…I am gonna TRY again.  I will post my stats every sunday including what I have lost in lbs and inches.  I have started my Paleo “diet” as well.  My hubby and I kicked off my caveman cuisine at Texas de Brazil last night!  Meat, meat, and more meat.  Plus some salad bar…No cheese!!  Not even those super delicious balls of mozzarella that were staring me down.  I swear I heard the goat cheese call my name.  Sitting over there all pretty and soft right beside the golden brown crustinis!!  Jerks!!  Anyhow…I had salad, veggies, and meat.  BUT…I did take a few small bites of the mashed potatoes.  I am so ashamed!!  But not really.  Today I have eaten STRICTLY paleo…No cheese, milk, or bread!!!  I swear though, when I hear my kiddos go pop open the Goldfish my mouth waters and my tummy aches.  This must be what it feels like to be an addict.  Or not.   I dunno.  But lets pretend.

So now I am sitting here drinking my water with my Young Living Lemon oil dropped in it.  It’s good.  I am  motivated.  Excited.  And gonna take it day by day.  And because you can’t make a blog post without a pic…here is my super yummy breakfast.

Egg scramble with turkey sausage and watermelon.
Egg scramble with turkey sausage and watermelon.

 

09/29/2013

Stats:  40 lbs too heavy

Inches:  too many

10 Responses

  1. You can do it i believe in you! Come workout with me!! Roanoke rec center nit your typical gym people, just normal folks trying to exercise!

  2. I went Paleo about a year ago and started CrossFit about 4 months ago. The first 3 weeks of Paleo was the toughest but now it’s a lifestyle. I slowly converted my husband and children to Paleo as well. It’s so much easier if it’s a way of lifestyle for the entire family. It was a bit tough for the kids and sometimes they still get teased about the lunches I pack them for school but overall it has been a positive change for us. We all feel better, have more energy, better skin, less illness and a lot less chub. You can totally do it. Don’t look at it as a diet but rather a way of life. After you adjust to strict Paleo you can add in small amounts of grassfed dairy (Kerrygold makes butter and cheese that is grassfed) and some sweeteners like organic natural honey and grade B Maple syrup. You can totally do this!!! I’m cheering for you every single day!!!!!

    1. OHHH…I have already experienced the loveliness of Kerry Gold. But I will be excited to have it back!! Did you buy any cookbooks? I am thinking of getting a couple.

  3. Right there with ya at 40 years old and whacked out hormones. You’re an inspiration! Cheering for you in between cheering for myself.

  4. Laughing cuz everything you said completely resonates with me… especially the 40’s and hormones. I have recently embarked on my own weight loss journey but decided to take a different approach and start with the INSIDE OUT 1st…. Knowing that something MUST change! I MUST CHANGE IT… AND I CAN!!!
    I truly had to change the way I associate negatively with anything that requires self-discipline… wether it’s my wine, food or excercise. When I wrote it all down on paper & weighed the pain against the pleasure — I changed my persceptive! The list of pain (immediate & future) was sooo much longer than the pleasure of those things! It’s as much a battle of the mind than anything… and it’s never easy but
    WE ARE WORTH IT!!! OUR KIDS ARE WORTH IT!!! OUR SPOUSES ARE WORTH IT!!!

    GOOD LUCK! :)

    1. I had to laugh at your comment!! I am with you. It’s about self discipline for sure!!! Thanks for your encouragement!! I am gonna need it! And yes I agree…we, our kiddos and hubbies are worth it. Miss yall!!

  5. love ya no matter your size. I will be your biggest cheerleader. C, you might just need to start off with a nice walk ea day and work up to the other so you dont get discouraged.

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